Boomers . . . and How They Got That Way
Epistle 26 – Milestones
Well, it’s done. I did it. Or was it done to me? I turned 65 today. A milestone . . . or is that millstone? All of my youth I was taught that if I worked hard and behaved myself, I would retire at 65 and get a gold watch. That was a lie. Or maybe it was the “behave myself” part. Anyway, where’s the watch?
Not only didn’t I get the watch, there is no retirement on the horizon either. That’s called The New Norm. What a crock. It’s a government conspiracy to make us old folks hang out at Wal-Mart and work cheap. Not that I have anything against Wal-Mart. I shop there myself and smile at the other New Normers when they welcome me. I do the same at Home Depot, but I draw the line at McDonald’s. The old folks’ shift is okay but I usually miss that and get the pimply teenagers that mumble at me in alien tongues.
I may sound angry but I’m really not. It’s true I’d like to strangle a New York banker and a politician once a day just to stay in shape, but I am thankful I can still work. I’ve always believed Social Security is neither social nor secure, and I’d be lucky if it bought me lunch once a month by the time I got it. In the meantime, I’m healthy enough to keep on working and watch our national leaders spend billions just arguing about how to take care of me when I get sick. Makes me sick just to watch them.
So here I am, celebrating my 65th birthday in O’Hare airport, where I’ve spent most of my adult life, waiting for a cramped plane to jet me off on one more business trip. When I was a lad, I could look forward to a genteel flight with free steak dinners and wine (it’s true, I swear!), but, of course, that was back when airlines were regulated and actually made money. Now they’re losing their collective shirts and hiring old folks who work cheap. Curious, isn’t it?
Well, enough of the Boomer Blues. Today’s my birthday and cause for celebration, so I think I’ll end my day by counting my blessings. Like:
I’m not nearly as old as my brother.
My wife will soon be older than I am, thanks to Boomer’s Rules of Rounding.
I get a free coffee from Starbucks.
I still have one original equipment hip.
I am now old enough to be eccentric instead of just an ass.
Gold watches are too damn heavy anyway.
We Will Win


