You Know You’re Getting Old When…

• The highway patrol sigh or shake their heads but don’t give you a ticket.
• You scout for a warmer place to spend the long, cold winters.
• You are no longer ‘promising’.
• Younger men ask you for advice.

You Know You’re Getting Old When…

• You tip more and carry less.
• You read more and remember less.
• You get propositioned by AARP.
• Younger women start opening doors for you.
• You begin to become invisible in the dating and mating game.

You Know You’re Getting Old When…

• You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
• You don’t remember being absentminded.
• You have more patience; but actually, it’s just that you don’t care any more.
• Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
• Your drugs of preference are now vitamins.

You Know You’re Getting Old When…

• Conversations with people your own age often turn into “dueling ailments.”
• You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
• You take a metal detector to the beach.
• The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
• You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

You Know You’re Getting Old When…

• Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
• You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.
• You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
• You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
• “Getting a little action” means you don’t need to take a laxative.