Friday, September 18th, 2009 at
9:39 am
You Know You’re Getting Old When…
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
- You look for your glasses for half-an-hour, then find they’ve been on your head all the time.
- You wake up, looking like your driver’s license picture.
- Happy hour is a nap.
Wednesday, September 16th, 2009 at
12:13 pm
Epistle 6 – Nixon
Richard Nixon. Now there’s a name to strike fear into the hearts of the Boomers. Not because of his presidency, which gave new meaning to the name “Quaker”, but because of his jowels. He looked like he was wearing saddlebags on his head. I had a grade school principal who looked like that. He also had breath that could curl your toes, and that got me so preoccupied about Nixon’s breath that I ignored everything else he did. Fear does that to a person.
With all Nixon’s negative press, it’s only fair that we give him credit for his good points. Like bowling. What other president gave such a boost to the royal sport of kings. (Or was that horse racing?) And what about his football plays that he tirelessly invented for the NFL, no matter how stressful the world stage was. How hard that must have been to never see one of those plays run. And what about meeting Elvis in the middle of the night to solve juvenal delinquency, which must have been successful because we never refer to street gang thugs as delinquents anymore.
And China. What about China? Before Richard Milhous Nixon went there, China only made cheap paper lanterns, fortune cookies, chow mein and clean laundry. Americans couldn’t even visit there and they didn’t have one belching smokestack to bring the world economy to its knees. No sir, not one. Not until Richard Milhous Nixon.
Of course, we can’t forget Watergate, which is now a generic term for every political shenanigan we can add a “gate” to. Name one other non-crook who could rivet the nation to the TV set as a parade of national officials trundled off to jail. Okay, name two.
I felt sorry for the man’s looooong-suffering wife and daughters, Trivia and Loony Bird . . . or was that Johnson’s daughter? Anyway, you have to develop an appreciation for your leaders no matter how misguided they are. After all, we Boomers did our civic duty and elected more than our fair share of bozos.
We aren’t crooks either . . . are we?
We Will Win
Monday, September 14th, 2009 at
8:50 am
You Know You’re Getting Old When…
- Your mind makes contracts your body can’t keep.
- The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
- There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
- You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
- You start video taping daytime game shows.
Just a quick dose to start off your week. Happy Monday