Epistle 14 – Conscription

No, children, the lottery was not invented to make a couple of people rich while millions like me waste their hard earned money on tickets that have worse odds than the lottery board sending you a big check just for the heck of it. No, long before that, the lottery meant a free ticket to Viet Nam . . . if you lost. And way back before that there was conscription, an evil custom whereby the government dragged an innocent lad by the scruff of the neck from the comforts of hearth and home. It was commonly call the “draft”, not to be confused with professional sports teams conscripting innocent (?) athletes or the government blowing air up your . . . scholarship.

The government didn’t actually knock on your door in the middle of the night like the Gestapo. They were much more diabolical than that. They sent you an innocuous letter that started with “Greetings!” How devious is that? I got two of them. After the first I dutifully presented my case before my local draft board. I shaved, wore a clean shirt, and proved beyond a reasonable doubt that I was not some Communist pinko draft dodger. I was a “legitimate” college student, pouring myself into my studies when I wasn’t pouring down a few beers and agonizing about my friendly, local draft board.

Anyway, I got my student deferment back . . . for two months when I got another “Greetings!” letter. This time I shaved, wore a clean shirt, claimed police brutality, and shamelessly begged for my freedom, but it didn’t help. Seems I went to the wrong school where student rowdies had actually insulted the general who ran the Selective Service System. Can you believe that? I don’t, but the general promised to draft every mother’s son of us. And he did, me included. Twice.

To be fair, I was given time to avoid the draft by enlisting, a dubious choice I thought. By 1968 the only remotely civilized branches of the military were the Navy and Air Force Guards, but they had really long waiting lists and you couldn’t get in unless you knew somebody. All I knew were Germans and Swedes and they were no help. The Marine Guard would have welcomed me with open arms, but they looked like real soldiers so I cast my lot with the citizen soldier’s US Army. Off I went to Ft. Polk, Louisiana on a bus filled with members of a black Chicago street gang whom the judge had “conscripted” in lieu of jail time. What a good idea.

Is it any wonder my military career was less than distinguished? But I went. I don’t know why. Some guys I knew went to Sweden instead. Maybe I already knew too many Swedes. Maybe it was the green suit with brass buttons. Maybe it was the warm, friendly “Greetings!”

Be thankful you don’t get as much government as you pay for.

We Will Win

For over 25 years Chicago has been hosting it’s annual blues festival.  It’s an incredible scene with several stages set up throughout Grant Park.  The admission is free and every year thousands and thousands of blues lovers come together to celebrate this great genre.

The Chicago story came about some 90 years ago as the blacks from the South began moving to the more Northern cities in the early 1900s.  Chicago was a place of promise for them.  It gave them hope for more opportunity and a better life.  Much of what their music was based on.

Many musicians on their journey North stopped at Memphis and spent time there, which is why Memphis today is such an important part of the blues history.  In Chicago, though the players were starting to plug in their guitars, and the blues music became infused with an edgier, more electrified sound.  Roaring vocals and boogie-woogie style became popular across the city’s venues and the Chicago style began to take hold.

The recording industry also made the Chicago scene boom.  Chess Records, Vee-Jay and numerous other small labels were a huge force in this city.  Muddy Waters exemplified the Chicago sound of the 40s and 50s. It was aggressive and electric, and by the late 40s Chicago was a powerhouse for this electric blues.

The blues had it’s own economical and cultural draw.  Blues clubs abounded in the city such as the South Side’s Maxwell Street.  Tourists and locals alike who were huge supporters of the blues, would spend their money in the stores, and on liquor in the clubs.  They would frequent the hairdressers, and clothing stores.  This “heyday” cemented Chicago as the Blues capitol.

In the late 60s and 70s blues began to lose its popularity with black audiences.  Some believe this was due to the increasing popularity of disco, soul and R&B.  Yet the blues did begin to gain more attention from the white audience.  A new collection of clubs began to open on Chicago’s North side because of this interest.

Today, even though Chicago’s South side has drastically changed, the Chicago scene remains alive from the North side’s traditional blues to the south Side’s blues melded with soul.  Chicago’s Blues Fest helps keep this alive.

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You Know You’re Getting Old When…

• Conversations with people your own age often turn into “dueling ailments.”
• You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
• You take a metal detector to the beach.
• The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
• You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

Epistle 13 – The Hula Hoop Craze

George Carlin believed man was created so he (or she) could create plastic. George was almost right. Man was created so he could create plastic so somebody could make a long tube so somebody else could stick two ends together in a 4-foot circle. And make a bloody fortune. It was called a Hula Hoop and every kid could make it go around his waste by wiggling her (or his) hips like a Hula dancer but without the grass skirt.

Except me. Some kids could even make them go around their arms and necks and knees. A few wiggles of my hips and the damn thing just lay stupidly around my ankles. That wouldn’t have been so bad except Hula Hoops were neon pink and everyone knew you didn’t just walk into the middle of it by mistake. Maybe I couldn’t do it because I didn’t have hips. Or a backside either. Actually, I was a stick figure with hair. But even so, once again I was not part of the mainstream, as my childhood chums went blithely down the sidewalk with a 4-foot plastic ring whirling about various parts of their anatomy.

So what’s my point, you ask? Where’s the emotional scarring in that? The Hula Hoop craze couldn’t have been that big a deal, could it?

Well, no, it wasn’t. But it was the first of many social trends from which I was cruelly excluded. Take the sexual revolution, for instance. Now there’s one trend a person could really get excited about, so to speak. Free love and all that. Women boldly inviting themselves to “your place or mine”. Where was I during all that? It must have been your place because it sure as hell wasn’t mine.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, there was the great economic boom when everybody got filthy rich. Except me. Why was I left out of that one? I’m just as greedy as the next guy. In fact, greed and lust were my strong points. How could I be a true Boomer and miss so much of the fabric of our generation?

What cosmic force shaped your destiny? Wealth? Lineage? An SAT score?

Mine was the Hula Hoop.

We Will Win