Boomers . . . and How They Got That Way Epistle 29 – Thumbs of Death

Well, young people, Spring has finally arrived and it’s time for Boomer to troop out to the garden, moil around in the dirt, and commune with nature. First I’ll stop by the garage and inspect my shovels and rakes and claw-shaped things hanging neatly from their hooks on the wall. My favorite implement is the Garden Weasel. I’ve never been able to accomplish anything with it, but the name is cool. After a thorough inventory of my bags of bone meal, fertilizer, mulch and dirt, I am finally ready to plan my annual profusion of blooms and heady bouquets.

What shall it be this year? Dahlias, peonies, roses and gardenias? Or maybe petunias, begonias and nasturtiums? My mind reels at the riot of color I will create in total harmony with Mother Nature. Which is remarkable since the entire garden will be various shades of brown within a week. Some people have green thumbs. I have Thumbs of Death. It matters not what I buy or how many hundreds of dollars I spend. There is not a plant on earth that I cannot kill. Usually, they don’t even make it home from the nursery without hanging their lovely heads in deep despair, delicate petals and lacy leaves of green littering the inside of my car.

I used to blame the car, believing noxious fumes from the engine or death rays from the radio were destroying my beauties. I tried putting them in the trunk, on the back seat, on the front seat, hanging out the window, and dragging along the ground. I’ve tried vans, sedans, trucks and bicycles. I’ve owned the vehicles, rented them and borrowed them, all with equal success. My annual investment in nursery stock was beyond hope before the greenery reached its floral graveyard.

Of course, I still harbor faint hope within my agrarian heart. “It was just commuting shock,” I bravely tell myself, rushing my lovelies out to the garden. Frantically, I dig just the right size hole just the right distance from the neighboring plant, powder the hole liberally with bone meal, delicately place the root ball in just the right position, and carefully pack the dirt around the base in just the right density with just the right drainage. Then, with oh so much love and tenderness, I kiss the tender shoots with a mist of water in just the right quantity to guarantee healthy, harmonious growth under a gentle breeze and just the right amount of sun and shade. In short, no garden could be planted better. I care not for the excruciating backache as I stand back, marveling at the joy of creation. “It’s just transplanting shock,” I tell myself, as one by one, each precious stem surrenders itself to the earth and certain death.

Undaunted, my credit card is warmed up and I am prepared to spend hundreds more this year. Shear lunacy, you think? Before you scoff, it’s wise to remember two inviolable principles of gardening. First, my wife says color coordination is essential in every ensemble, and the shades of brown in my garden perfectly match the dirt. And the Thumbs of Death must be obeyed.

We Will Win

Every day one or two health foods are introduced into the market promising superior health benefits. Almost every month, bookstores will stock up on books that sell health, dieting and weight management programs. On the TV, exercise programs and exercise machines are advertised to keep you healthy, fit and a life of longevity. The fact is all of these work, the question is, is it really necessary?

Exotic Sounding Foods

You probably have heard of the Acai berry, fig leaves, bitter melon, green tea, and so many other exotic sounding foods. Do they work? They do, but so do other foods. There is nothing wasted on Gods earth. The proof of that is when the excitement for these foods wanes, another food will crop up, the benefits overstated, and orders will start coming in increasing the demand, spiking prices for the products until a new one appears.

Is it worth it? Well, that depends on how deep your wallet is. The truth is that every food that is natural has its own benefit that when examined closely will always reveal special properties that are waiting for an advertiser’s attention. The properties then could be highlighted depending on current health and commercial climate. The carrot consumed like crazy some years back due to it beta-carotene property is now relegated to the background in place of “new food discoveries”. In today’s stiff commercial competition, the point to remember is that when it sounds too good to be true, then probably it is not.

Fad Foods

Everybody loves to have a good figure and wants six-pack abs, everybody, and why not. When the figure is good, employment is easier to find, earning potential increases, the body feels light, looks so much healthier, younger, and energized.

What is wrong with fad foods is that it is not telling us the whole truth. If Halle Berry for example gave birth last week and appear today on TV with the same figure, everybody will be curious. The TV host knows that and so the question that would be asked is the diet that keeps her figure “bathing suit” perfect. Whatever answer Halle Berry gives will get the audience’s attention and telephone will start ringing for orders. What will not be mentioned is that stars maintain a host of dietitians, physicians and exercise guru’s working for the sole purpose of keeping the image of the star and maintaining it. The diet may be true but it is only a part of the whole regimen of things observed to make the star look good on camera. Rests also are monitored, exercises are supervised let alone food intake, to keep the star healthy.

Eat, exercise, rest, and work.

The natural things that we do provided it is kept on a good balance are always the best. It has kept people alive for thousands of years; it will keep the person healthy for many more. Eat a variety of food. All food is good provided the person eats variety and strives for a balanced diet. Exotic sounding and foreign delicacies and specialties are not required nor needed. Food grown in every region is sufficient and balanced for the needs of people living in that region. The key in maintaining natural health is balance, variety, and common sense.

Epistle 28 – Spring Break

Did you go to Florida on Spring Break? Nah, me neither. I always had to work, or at least I thought I did. About the only thing Boomer parents knew how to do was work so that’s all they taught their kids. All in all, not a bad plan unless you wanted a little joy in life, and once in awhile the idea would occur to me at which time I would sneak off in pursuit of some guilty pleasure—like a comic book when I was a tender lad or a Playboy magazine when I was a suave college student (just for the jokes, mind you).

Anyway, now I am on the Florida Gulf coast marveling at all the blue, half-naked kids shivering on the beach and pretending to have a grand old time. The temperature is down in the 60’s, but the sun is bright so they can at least get a great burn. And a new t-shirt with the image of some alien being or rock star (which is the same thing), that I never heard of but which must be cool because they buy them up by the millions.

The Redneck Riviera has more surf shops per capita than anywhere on earth, but I have never gone in one. Why? Fear I suppose. What if I find a dreadfully ugly shirt that I simply must have for $25? I would put in on right in the store, wander out to the street and blend into the crowd, mistaken for just one more student on Spring Break. What a blow that would be to whatever dignity I have left. And my wife would worry that I’d be overcome with emotion at the rock concert and damage my new hip jumping around. Not to worry. I can’t hear much, let alone jump.

Perhaps it was best that I never came here while I was in college, especially since the partying back then was in Ft. Lauderdale and I would have missed it. But seriously, wasn’t I a better person for drinking beer up north in the frozen tundra than drinking beer down here where it is warm and beautiful? Of course I was. I got in an extra snow storm or two and was able to improve my academic standing by spending the extra time studying. Yes, I was the lucky one all right. But if she was alive, I’d still have my mother arrested for child abuse.

Gotta go now. The surf shop just got in a new stock of Chad and Jeremy t-shirts. The kids will be green with envy, which, when combined with the blue from the cold, are perfect Florida colors.

We Will Win

“Did you say Tofu?”

Tofu is packed with nutrition and can easily substitute for meats making it extremely popular with most vegetarians. It’s low in cholesterol, fat and calories and made of soybeans.

Its main attraction to vegetarians is because it’s a great source of protein. Regardless if you’re a vegetarian or not, including tofu in your diet is a very healthy idea to because it provides your body with the nutrients you need.

“Some benefits you can get from eating tofu.”

Heart of health

Tofu is low cholesterol, fats and in calories. As you may know that too much cholesterol and fats could potentially increase your risk of cardiovascular diseases. Tofu has been known to lower the amount of Low Density Lipoprotein (LDL) and maintains a good amount of High Density Lipoprotein (HDL) in your body. LDLs are known as the bad cholesterol. Excess amount of LDL could potentially result in serious heart illnesses. It also contains Omega 3’s, a nutrient that is important in keeping your heart healthy.

Make no ‘Bones’ about it

Tofu is also known to be rich in calcium and that is very much needed in keeping your bones strong. As you get older, and well all know we do, you’ll need more calcium in your body to prevent your bones from getting brittle and weak. Lack of calcium in the bones tends to be something that we all have to pay close attention to as we age. Eating tofu can potentially help in preventing you from developing rheumatoid arthritis.

Rich in Vitamin B and protein

Since vegetarians stay away from meat and lack protein in their diet, they look for other alternatives to take in the proteins that they need. Tofu is packed with protein and vitamin B.

Isoflavones

Isoflavones can also help to lower the amount of LDL’s in your body. They are known as cholesterol fighters. Isoflavones also work like estrogen. Combined with protein, tofu is also known to help effectively fight off certain diseases and ailments that may lead to certain types of cancer. Women on the pre- menopausal and menopausal stages can greatly benefit from tofu. The estrogen in tofu helps regulate hormone levels. During menopause, women experience hormonal imbalances due to the reduction of estrogen in their system. Without this hormone, women become prone to health conditions like osteoporosis and breast cancer. Men, listen up, isoflavones also help to reduce the risk of developing prostate cancer.

The Power of Antioxidants

Some people like to eat tofu because it is very rich in antioxidants that fight off free radicals and other harmful microorganisms in the body. Having an adequate amount of antioxidants in your body is also known to help prevent certain cancers.

Weight Maintenance

Tofu can help you maintain or even reduce your weight without losing important nutrients in your body. You get enough amounts of protein that you get from meat without the fat. Studies have shown that people who eat tofu tend to have lower hunger cravings and stay full longer than those who don’t eat tofu. Eating tofu is one way of improving your natural health.

Epistle 26 – Milestones

Well, it’s done. I did it. Or was it done to me? I turned 65 today. A milestone . . . or is that millstone? All of my youth I was taught that if I worked hard and behaved myself, I would retire at 65 and get a gold watch. That was a lie. Or maybe it was the “behave myself” part. Anyway, where’s the watch?

Not only didn’t I get the watch, there is no retirement on the horizon either. That’s called The New Norm. What a crock. It’s a government conspiracy to make us old folks hang out at Wal-Mart and work cheap. Not that I have anything against Wal-Mart. I shop there myself and smile at the other New Normers when they welcome me. I do the same at Home Depot, but I draw the line at McDonald’s. The old folks’ shift is okay but I usually miss that and get the pimply teenagers that mumble at me in alien tongues.

I may sound angry but I’m really not. It’s true I’d like to strangle a New York banker and a politician once a day just to stay in shape, but I am thankful I can still work. I’ve always believed Social Security is neither social nor secure, and I’d be lucky if it bought me lunch once a month by the time I got it. In the meantime, I’m healthy enough to keep on working and watch our national leaders spend billions just arguing about how to take care of me when I get sick. Makes me sick just to watch them.

So here I am, celebrating my 65^th birthday in O’Hare airport, where I’ve spent most of my adult life, waiting for a cramped plane to jet me off on one more business trip. When I was a lad, I could look forward to a genteel flight with free steak dinners and wine (it’s true, I swear!), but, of course, that was back when airlines were regulated and actually made money. Now they’re losing their collective shirts and hiring old folks who work cheap. Curious, isn’t it?

Well, enough of the Boomer Blues. Today’s my birthday and cause for celebration, so I think I’ll end my day by counting my blessings. Like:

I’m not nearly as old as my brother.

My wife will soon be older than I am, thanks to Boomer’s Rules of Rounding.

I get a free coffee from Starbucks.

I still have one original equipment hip.

I am now old enough to be eccentric instead of just an ass.

Gold watches are too damn heavy anyway.

We Will Win